Consuelo and cocaine / Consuelo y la cocaina

Yesterday I was helped out in a personal matter by my fellow teacher, Lis, who has worked with me now for over two years and helps out with classes. I am eternally grateful.

I started to think of all the other teachers I have had working with me over the years, and how fortunate I have been to have so many good helpers. Some have even started as students then become Spanish teachers themselves.

Some work independently now teaching Spanish themselves, in one way my rivals. I don´t look at it like that, really what better endorsement is there for my teaching method? I love it..

But one teacher I will never forget is Consuelo (not her real name).

I advertised for a teacher, and as usual received many replies. I did not know then, but this is the experience that taught me, that CVs mean very little and neither do qualifications. Teachers are born not made.

Qualifications help but a week long online Tefl course does not a teacher make. Neither does even a teaching degree mean that you can communicate knowledge. It is an art, and empathy and intuition is worth twice as much as any qualification or impressive CV.

Well, Consuelo had both… An impressive CV and a n impressive teaching degree. Unfortunately she was the worst teacher I have ever had, with the possible exception of one British guy at summer school who I will talk about it the next blog. Certainly the experience for me was the worst.

She came over well in her interview, a little bossy maybe but that is not a bad thing either for a teacher as you do have to take control sometimes. She spoke English so she could explain things to the students, she seemed personable and smart. I needed someone to teach so I could go out and help people with interpreting and residencias etc, so I took her on.

Well, it all started well, though some students said they couldn´t understand her English explanations very well. Fair enough. I asked her to speak more slowly to them. Then strange reports were coming back from the students, very mixed feedback. One day it would be “Consuelo is a terrible teacher, I didn´t understand anything”, the next day “Just had a brilliant class with Consuelo, it was fab”- sometimes from the same person!!!

I know that you cn´t please all the people all the time, so we persevered. Then she started not always turning up for classes- We would have 6 students waiting and no teacher. My other teacher Ester sometime stepped in or I would have to come back from wherever I was with clients and take the class.

I sat her down for a talk. She became very emotional and told me her father was dying of cancer. This especially struck a chord with me as very recently at the time my own father had died suddenly and I was devastated, so we talked and I gave her many more chances than she ever deserved.

Looking back, I think this is the worst thing she did, using her father´s illness ( I still don´t know if it was real or not) to excuse her behaviour.

A couple of months passed and things didn´t improve. It all came to a head one Friday afternoon when she didn´t turn up (again) leaving a full group of students stranded. I was miles away and couldn´t get back. We tried and tried to get through to her to no avail.

When I finally got through, there was no apology, no reason given, she sounded like she had just woken up. So I regretfully informed her I would not be needing her services anymore. It was like a bomb had gone off…

She began to scream, and I mean scream, that she would report me to the Spanish authorities…. There were laws in this country… I could not do it…. She would see me go to prison… How dare I…. I was just a foreigner and would not get away with it etc etc…

Over the weekend I was bombarded with similar calls, including one from her female “solicitor” (strange that they were working on a Sunday) threatening me with legal action.

The only good thing about this was it all made me feel less guilty about letting her go.

The following Monday I went into work and explained to the other teacher what had happened.

She said ” Thank God you finally got rid of her, she is a cocaine addict but I didn´t like to tell you”

Great. Thanks for that.

Looking back, it all makes sense. The mood swings, the good days, the bad days.

Most teachers are happy with alcohol, I had to pick the one that was a cocaine addict.

Consuelo actually went on to open an Academy herself with her English boyfriend who interestingly enough had been the husband of one of my students. Small world. They had begun an affair while she was teaching him Spanish (before she worked at my school) and he had left his wife devastated for her.

Needless to say, it didn´t last long.

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COVID DIARIES 2- The 8 o’clock applause

So there we were in Lockdown (confinamiento), which the Government very cleverly leaked to us bit by bit. Looking back now, it is inconceivable that we actually believed it would only by a fortnight, then everything would go back to normal. It was a shock, but 2 weeks is not very long hey?

I think at first we just decided to get on with it and accepted this was for our own good. The Spanish Lockdown was very strict, thankfully, and I for one actually hated going out when the virus was at its peak and could not wait to get home, disinfected and safe. I got on with projects I had been meaning to do, spoke to friends and family much more often than normal, and settled into online classes.

I will be eternally grateful to those students who kept me busy in this way and helped at a time that was not only difficult financially but also mentally. I will also be eternally grateful to my dogs as at least I was able to get out with them. However, they didn¨t seem to understand they had to do their business in 15 minutes so it could be a bit stressful sometimes, and very eerie fot there to be NO ONE out and about.

My white dog Riley in particular is a very private pooper and likes to find a very hidden place normally behind a bush in the campo. So doing it out in the open on a lead did not go down well with him at all, even if it was cleared up afterwards.

Very soon someone came up with the bright ides of the 8 oclock applause. It did start off at 10 oclock but was soon changed as that is dinner/ supper time here in Spain. At first it seemed such a lovely idea, applauding and showing appreciation for all the frontline workers who were putting their lives at risk for us. Not only doctors and nurses, ambulance people cleaners supermarket workers bus drivers, refuse collectors, delivery drivers etc. We really found out during this crisis who real essential workers are.

I´m not quite sure why it was decided that it would be every night here, probably to give a structure to peoples days an a focus of solidarity.

So it all all started off fine, we would all go out clapping whistling etc, banging pots and pans. This was before the clocks went forward and the weather got warmer. 5 minutes of clapping followed by 10 minutes of neighbours shouting over at each other and that was it. It gave a warm feeling and was often followed by a lap of honour by the Policia Local applauding us all for respecting the Lockdown. Very civilised.

As time went on it became a torment. The weather got warmer, the clocks went forward so it was still light, and as the weeks went on I think we all got a bit stir crazier and paranoid. I have the misfortune to live in the middle of neighbours who wanted to talk to each other (haven´t they heard of video calls) and they shouted over at each other with my house in the middle. These conversations got louder and louder and longer and longer, starting at 7:30 and not finishing till 9 o¨clock at least. Sometimes they would just all get together at a gate, no mask, no distancing, sometimes even sharing food off a plate.

Imagine that every night, 7 days a week, I thought I would go crazy.

To cut a long story short, I was definitely made to feel I was the odd one out in not thinking this was acceptable behaviour. I was even told (not for the first time) to get back to England where I come from (after being here 22 years?). This neighbour is particularly nasty, after having threatened to kill my cat a few years ago. Funnily enough, he was married to and English woman and had children with her.Maybe this is where the bitterness comes from.

Also he works in a restaurant in a largely British Commercial Centre so not sure what his customer service is like, or maybe he just doesn´t like me. That´s fine, because I most certainly do not like him.

I have never been so relieved than when this stopped, I had come to absolutely dread it rather than feel like paying respect. The one silent tribute to the dead announced one Sunday was not respected , in fact I heard my nasty neighbour speak on the phone all the way through it. What a great guy.

Ironically as rules relaxed they began to do this social gathering less and less, and now the State of Alarm (Estado de Alarma) is over they never do it. 😉

I think we were all having a bit of a meltdown in the midst of it,

I thank God for the “New Normal”. (La Nueva Normalidad)

 

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COVID-19 DIARIES- 1- How it all started

The world has changed forever.

I think what took us all most by surprise was the speed it happened.

It felt like one minute it was just lurking in the background as a particularly Chinese problem, so nothing really for us in Europe to worry about, then it was here affecting all of us and life would never be the same…

For some people, life would end, in a horrible and lonely way. Others would survive, but after weeks of illness with loved ones having to care for them alone and unsupported due to the infectiousness of it.

Meanwhile, selfish and ignorant people would flout all the rules, not really taking it seriously if they had not been personally affected.

In the “el confinemiento” here in Spain, I think we all went a little crazy in the end.

These next couple of blogs will be my experiences.

The first confirmed case of Covid- 19 in Spain was on the 31st January 2020, when a German tourist tested positive in the Canary Islands. By 13th March, cases had been confirmed in all 50 provinces of our country. Concentrated mainly in Madrid, by the 25th of March the death toll had surpassed China ( reported cases at least).

On the 2nd of  April, 950 people died in Spain of the virus in a 24-hour period—at the time, the most by any country in a single day.

In my area we were sort of aware of what was going on, but we felt it was mainly in Madrid so it didn´t feel real to us I I think. A far- away problem that we didn´t really need to worry about.

When I look back now at one particular student describing her husbands symptoms as he was ill with “some sort of chest infection he couldn´t shake off” , I am more or less certain it had already arrived here.

Thursday 12th March started like any other day. Classes began as normal. Then Lis, my teachers assistant, casually mentioned that she had gone shopping to the local supermarket the night before and there was NOTHING on the shelves. Literally nothing. No pasta, no fresh food, no frozen food, NADA. She told me that many people had arrived to their second homes here on the coast from Madrid to escape the virus, and were stocking up.

That was the start of the madness. The next day off I went to my supermarket for my normal weekly shop. There was NOTHING. All that was left was one pack of chicken feet which I thought I could probably live without.

Luckily for me, as I have transport, I went to a lesser used supermarket and was able to get what I needed. The temptation to stockpile is infectious, but the Spanish President had guaranteed the supply of food so I knew we did not have to do this. Unfortunately other people did not see it in that way, there are many greedy selfish people out there only thinking of themselves and causing problems for everyone.

That Friday, some costal towns were curfewed by the police as they realised the selfish madrileños had come to their second homes and brought more of the virus with them. That is my one criticism of the Spanish Government, Madrid should have been locked down sooner before people could leave to spread it.

By Saturday 14th March, we were all in “confiimiento” as the lockdown began and an “estado de alarma” was declared. I chose that very morning to slip in the shower on some hair conditioner and most likely fracture my nose/ cheekbone and maybe break a little bone in my foot. I decided I would not go anywhere near a hospital under the circumstances and I just hope now they have repaired themselves ok.

By then I had watched a couple of YouTube videos about the virus in China and I was absolutely terrified.

You know when you wish you could unsee something.

So I developed a nice black eye and decided I would no longer be washing my hair in the shower.

We had all said goodbye and see you Monday that Thursday morning not knowing that in the space of just a couple of days everything was going to change..

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WHAT HAPPENED TO UNCLE JIMMY?/ QUE PASÓ A TIO JAIME?

Anyone who has lived in Spain and had to deal with bureaucracy in any way shape or form will get this next story. If you haven´t, you may think it is exaggerated or couldn´t possibly be true. In Spain, we have to get used to what I can “the runaround”. Basically where you are told one thing by one person, something else by another. Rules are completely arbitrary and decisions are often made depending on a following wind and if there is an “r” in the month. Even official ones. If you are a person who likes organisation, order and to know exactly where you are, Spain is simply not the country for you. There is no communication between official departments, you basically have to throw yourself on their mercy, do all the legwork yourself, hope for the best, and if you are lucky you will get sorted.

Never make the cardinal mistake of getting angry or irritated, the shutter will come down and you will completely be blanked. Patience is everything if you want co operation and help from anyone who has a bit of power in their role. There is generally no point in asking to speak to anyone else either as they are often the only person there who can help, so you have to keep them on your side as much as you can.

Quite a few years ago a friend on mine asked me to go to help her communicate at Torrevieja hospital. Her and her dad were worried about her “uncle” Jimmy. He wasn´t her real uncle, he was a good life-long friend of her Dad, who was working away at the time and had asked her to try and find out what had happened to him.

Jimmy had disappeared.

Nearly a week earlier, Jimmy had become ill in the middle of the night at his home where he lived alone. Neighbours reported that they had called an ambulance which had spirited him away and he hadn´t been seen since. Presumably he had been taken to the hospital but he hadn´t contacted anyone since and he had left his mobile in the house so no one could call him either.

Jimmy was a guy in his very late sixties who had a touch of dementia or Alzheimers and didn´t speak any Spanish. He had no other family and they were concerned he wouldn´t have been able to communicate at the hospital. Also, the worst might have even happened as he had a bad heart, and he could be lying in the morgue with no one to claim his body!!

So that evening off we went to Torrevieja hospital.  YIn my experience you rarely get anyone on receptions, customer help desks etc that actually want to help. Unfortunately for us, the girl on reception that evening (Cristina- I will never forget her name), was one of the unhelpful types…

So I explained the situation to her, that Uncle Jimmy was very vulnerable due to his mental and physical state and we were trying to find him. I told her when he was probably admitted and that he may not have even been able to communicate his name. She had no record of anyone admitted of that name so I asked, had anyone been admitted that evening that they had listed as “desconocido” or unknown? He may even have died as it was a suspected heart attack he was taken away with.

Well you would think they would want to find out the identity of any unknown patient or corpse they had? Nooooo. Cristina refused to even look in the records and said we would have to get permission from the Guardia Civil (police) before she could give out any information. I was still calm at this point, and asked if maybe she could ring the Guardia and ask their permission to give us the information. No, she couldn´t do that. We had to go to the police station ourselves and come back with a written permission..

I feel I should point out at this point for those who don´t know that Torrevieja hopital is small. It is not like a big City where maybe there would be several “desconocidos” who had been brought in. Anyway in Spain you are supposed to carry ID at all times, so it would have been unusual for someone to be brought in without it. How many elderly foreign people with no family or Id would have been brought in that night anyway? One- Uncle Jimmy!! But she refused to help.

Off we went.. The Guardia we were assigned was very helpful, or at least pleasant. He predictably told us that what Cristina had told us was rubbish. We did not need written permission, she could tell us if anyone “unknown” was in the hospital, either dead or alive as obviously they would want to solve the mystery of who they were. He would not give us anything in writing or come back with us to the hospital.

However, he did kindly ring the hospital  and he definitely spoke to someone! I heard the conversation with my own ears, it was a woman he was speaking to. He explained the situation and said there was no reason we shouldn´t be given any information necessary to find out what had happened to hapless uncle Jimmy, who we were getting more and more worried about with every passing hour. He came off the phone and told us it was all sorted, we should go back to the hospital and they would look in the computer to see who had been brought in that night and if there were any “desconocidos” amongst them.

Reassured, we went back to the hospital to speak once more with the (not so) lovely Cristina. We walked in hopefully, but our hopes were soon dashed when I told her of our experience with the Guardia. She completely denied any knowledge of this phone call from him!! She all but accused us of lying, and said the situation was the same. No written permission no information.

I have to admit I was starting to get a little bit miffed by now (understatement). Two wasted hours and nothing achieved. I could see in the booth behind her there were several telephonists, so my guess is the Guardia had spoken to one of them not Cristina. I asked her would she mind asking them if they had taken the call if it wasn´t her? He had definitely spoken to someone!! She would not..

I know I had to get away from her as I would say something I regretted. As I mentioned, Torrevieja is a small hospital. I took my friend´s arm and said to the delightful Cristina we were going to find him ourselves. If she refused to simply check the admissions for the night he was whisked away on the computer we would check every room one by one.

Off we went. 15 minutes later we found Uncle Jimmy on the first floor tucking into his evening meal and seemingly none the worse for his experience. He was labelled “desconocido”, and he seemed to be quite happy in there, nice and warm in a private room being fed three times a day and looked after.

I left them together to get sorted and returned to my new best friend Cristina for a few choice words just to make me feel better. She did have the grace to look a little bit abashed, when she realised we had not been making the whole story up. I mean, really? what would have been the point of lying about the whole thing? What advantage could we possibly have gained?

That is really what I will never understand about the whole experience. I totally get the patient confidentiality issue. However when you have a patient who is obviously confused and can´t tell you who they are, then someone comes along worried about a family member who is confused and was taken off by an ambulance and disappeared on the same night this patient was admitted-?? Why would you treat them with such suspicion?

No lo entiendo!!!!

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CURTAINGATE/ LA HISTORIA DE LAS CORTINAS

In the Ex-Pat community we have a special qualification that we call the “Gatwick Diploma”. People get on the plane at Gatwick (or any other airport as one thing and miraculously on the way over to Spain some metamorphosis happens and they get off the plane as something completely different.

For example, someone who has never built anything in their lives suddenly becomes a master builder offering building services, or someone who has only ever made beans on toast becomes a professional chef.

Part of this iss due to the fact it is so difficult to find work in Spain, so often you have to turn your hand to just about anything to survive financially. It is also due to the fact that many people are total blaggers who completely re invent themselves secure in the knowledge no one checks up on anything.

Some people are serious con artists who rip vulnerable people off for a lot of money, and others do it on a smaller scale. Mike the handyman was one of these.

My classroom has a staircase at the side up which in the winter heat escapes. One year I had the brilliant idea of getting curtains put up which would prevent this happening and make the classroom warmer. I debated about doing it myself and decided as it is quite a long pole needed it would be better to have someone professional do it. I advertised on local Facebook sites and Mike sent me a message sounding very professional and I asked him to come along and give me a quote.

Along he came, measured up, seemed to know exactly what he was doing. However the quote he came back with was for 180 euros including the curtains. I had budgeted 120 euros, thinking really this is not a complicated job for someone who knows what they are doing. He quite sniffily insisted the curtains were top quality, lined, and would fit exactly so no alterations necessary. That´s why the price was as it was. I hummed and hawed thinking it seemed expensive but I know you do get what you pay for a lot of the time, so maybe it was worth it just to get it done properly.

How wrong I was. Even after all these years living in Spain sometimes it feels that I haven´t learnt anything.

So Mike turned up one lunchtime, I felt an hour would easily be long enough as he had already measured up so he would be gone before the next class turned up. After 30 minutes of measuring and cutting poles without any results I realised things were maybe not going to plan. There was a lot of pulling of the poles one way and then the other as if this would miraculously make them fit better. The curtains came out of the pack, went up, came down, went up came down. More pacing and measuring ensued,

An hour passed. My students arrived. We were all fascinated.

Suddenly he pronounced he was finished and started packing up. The curtains were stretched to fit the poles and as he had put the said poles up unevenly, they were far too long on one side. Also they had been put up strangely in a vain attempt to make them fit better. I made him adjust them one more time which he did with bad grace, reluctantly paid him and off he went 180 euros better off for a terrible job.

I had to take up the curtains as they were far too long and add two more to make a proper fit. So much for not having to make any alterations. Needless to say I never used Mike´s services again. However I see on Facebook he is still around and people often recommend him.Maybe that is his friends or family.. Maybe I just got him on a bad day— Or maybe curtain pole putting up is just not his thing….

Así  es la vida 🙂

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MELANIE THE TROLL / MELANIE LA TROLL

For once with this person I am using their real name. If in fact it is their real name as I know of several used by her. I don´t feel the need to protect her identity as she is in fact a very nasty person as you will see.

The Internet age has brought many positive benefits to my little school. Previously newspaper advertising was the only way to get your name out there in the area, and was quite expensive. Interested students would contact by telephone only, which is a rarity these days. In fact if the phone rings now we all look at each each other like- what the hell is that?

These days Facebook is my most effective advertising medium, and enquiries come in the most part through messenger, email or even Whatsapp- very few telephone calls. I also, thanks to Internet searches for Spanish classes, receive enquiries from many different nationalities. I can advertise my books for sale all over Spain and even the world, along with my YouTube Channel. These are the positives..

The negative is that once you put yourself out there into the public spectrum you have to accept that not everyone thinks you are great :). People make comments. 99 % of the time the comments are positive but you always remember the 1% that are not more unfortunately.

I have come to realise that famous people must need to be very mentally strong or, more likely, have someone else to deal with their social media if my modest little experience with internet exposure is anything to go by. I have learnt that some people are just plain nasty and I have also learnt hide, remove block are the best ways of dealing with them- engagement is not advisable.

Melanie is something else. In Melanie I found my first real “troll”- someone who really seemed to have a personal grudge against me that made a concerted effort over time to make my life difficult. Why? I have no idea, but this is the story.

Melanie contacted me regarding classes by email, saying she had done some Spanish before and was interested in an intensive course.  As she was a “Celta qualified teacher”(take note of this- it will come up again 🙂 ) she felt she could progress quite quickly. I explained to her how the classes worked, ie small groups students working individually within the group, and eventually her husband emailed to book her in. Maybe I should have known something when he at first was reluctant to do so, saying he didn`t want to be “scammed”. In my experience trolls use a lot of this emotive language- “scam” “scum” “lowlife” etc, and it did seem a bit of a strange thing to say. He then sent me all his credit card details by email as he seemed to have problems using the online payment facility, and asked me to do it! Lucky for him I am not “scum” and I don´t “scam”

So along came Melanie on her first day and seemed pleasant enough. She signed her enrolment form and settled into the class. The only real problems that first day were that her phone rang and pinged incessantly and she did not know how to silence it, but in the end another student did it for her. Also every 15 minutes she was going outside to smoke a cigarette, and as she was doing the same work as 2 of the other students we had to wait for her, but it was ok because she was a “Celta trained teacher” so she could easily catch up… Another problem was that at 12.00 she started packing up, although the class actually is until 13.00. She seemed surprised though  don´t know why as the timetable was clearly given to her on several emails. Anyway in general the first morning passed well enough and she seemed happy and looking forward to the next class. Her husband (also a Celta trained teacher) came to pick her up and that was it for day one.

Day 2 did not go so well. Her fag breaks got longer and I couldn´t keep the other students of her level waiting as they did not smoke and were progressing really well through the work. So after about her 4th break in an hour I gently suggested that I move on with the other 2 and she carry on at her own pace, as also the others seem to be picking up things more quickly, I just didn´t want her to feel under pressure to finish quickly and it was not fair to make them wait.

Oh dear. She proceeded to tell me my method was rubbish, and as a Celta Trained teacher she knew you should not have different levels in the same class. Before I knew it she had packed up her stuff and left to have another cigarette outside while her Celta trained husband came to pick her up. The class was so much nicer after she left.

That evening I received an email asking for her money back. I pointed out to her that on both the website and the enrolment form she had signed it states clearly that money is not refundable. She could convert to private classes or an E course if she liked? I began to realise that Melanie liked a drink before writing these emails as they grew gradually more ridiculous. I did look for her on Facebook then with the intention of blocking as I had a feeling she would be trouble. I could not find her on there, I now realise why as not only she was using a slightly different name her profile picture must have been at least 30 years old, photo shopped, or not her at all.

The next news from Melanie was that she asked to come and sign the complaints book, as in Spain anyone has the right to do who is not happy with a product or service. Along she duly came with her husband, two Celta trained teachers together, and she completed it in English (!) and took off the copy. I know they had absolutely no idea what to do with it and obviously wasn´t going to help them on that.

A couple of weeks later I received an email from PayPal, through whom I manage my online facility. They had opened a dispute and frozen Mr Carey´s payment as he had sent them a written complaint that went something like this ” I paid for the course in advance and when I got there on the day it was due to start, there was no course. I feel I have been scammed”

Liar. This is where I did make a mistake. I tried to deal with this dispute by email, sending the enrolment form and attendance sheet to Paypal to prove the course had started, and also stating that the other students on the course had offered to provide evidence that Melanie had started the course and what had happened. I have learnt from this that PayPal email section just wants the proof of postage of an item, if it is a service you need to speak to a person. I think it must be an electronic service by email and it doesn´t look into specific more complicated cases. The dispute was found in his favour and I was furious that his money was returned to him.

However, I then called PayPal and spoke directly to an agent. It took a little while to get through but when I did the agent was extremely understanding and I could explain the whole situation. She was very apologetic and within 10 minutes the money was back in my account. Unfortunately it was too late to take it back from him so in fact it was PayPal who had lost out. Imagine that, two “Celta trained” teachers had scammed PayPal!!

I also found out that Melanie had been on Amazon and rated my books (even though she has never used them or bought them) with one star and the comment “dreadful”. Such a lovely woman.

So the whole experience was upsetting and awful but time passed and I just chalked it down to experience. That had never happened to me before and I hope will never happen to me again. That someone would actually search out ways of getting to me like the Amazon thing was just awful. I know you can´t please all the people all the time so I just presumed that was the end of it.

A whole year passed and she faded into distant memory. Then one morning I started to receive messages from several people I knew telling me to look on a local “shaming” Facebook site. I joined the group to investigate but the post had been removed. Luckily one of my friends had sent me a screen shot. It was a post from someone called Melanie Jane and went something like this:

“Be careful of Vicky Riley (spelt my name wrong) Spanish teacher in San Miguel de Salinas. As a Celta trained teacher myself, I found her teaching methods very strange. After a bit of nastiness, I received a full refund”. Grrrrr

I posted an answer, tagging her. I explained exactly what had happened and questioned, “who in fact is the scammer?” As I say, no wonder I hadn´t been able to find her on Facebook as not only the name was different (I had known her as Melanie Torres, and Melanie Carey, but the photo was so different from what she actually looks like, a mid to late 50´s woman, that it was either photo shopped or in fact a photo of a daughter or someone else entirely. I was heartened by the messages of support I received. Melanie had not endeared herself to the other members of the site with a previous comment that “this area is full of scammers from the North of England”. Ha ha bit of a sweeping statement Melanie?

How to make friends and influence people lol.

Well later that day she obviously recovered from that mornings hangover- I am convinced that her nasty posts are result of too much alcohol. I am now blocked and have blocked her in return. Maybe in some parallel Facebook universe she is still saying nasty things about me, who knows? I just think it is a strange way for a Celta trained teacher to behave…

Melanie Jane, Torres, Carey or whatever your name is- if you are reading this (firstly actually why?- still trolling? ) remember that Karma is a bitch. I feel sorry for anyone that can hold a grudge for so long despite the fact they scammed their money back and can always be happy in the fact they are a CELTA TRAINED teacher.

Happy New Year!!!!

Thank you for taking the time to read this, if you are a Spanish student yourself you may find the following links useful:

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NOT THE OTHER WOMAN THIS TIME/ NO SOY LA OTRA ESTA VEZ

In my life I have done things, as I imagine has everyone, that I have regretted.

Søren Kierkegaard said that life can only be understood backwards, but that it must be lived forwards. So on we go, doing the best we can, but often totally messing up by doing things which seemed like a good idea at the time. Sometimes hurting other people.

I have been guilty of this many times, and a victim of it too.

However, I believe in karma and accepting responsibility so I try to forgive and move on from those who have hurt me and accept readily the karma I deserve for those that I have hurt.

It really annoys me though, to be wrongly accused without even having enjoyed the pleasure of whatever naughty thin I am accused of!!

This happened to me once with a student. I will call him Jacob.

Jacob came for classes for quite a while with no incident. I knew he had along term partner and to be honest nothing untoward happened or was said for many months. Then one weekend, out of the blue, I received a private message from him.

It would be rude not to reply to a student, so I did. It was something banal, I don´t really remember now what the original message was. This started a flurry of messages over the next few weeks which gradually (on his part I might add) became more and more risque.

´This was quite tricky for me as I was torn between the fact I had not long split up from someone so was quite enjoying the attention. Also that he was a student so I did not really want to upset him, and also I found him vaguely attractive in an inexplicable way. 🙂

I reminded him- “Don`t you have a live in girlfriend?”

” It´s complicated” came the predictable reply.

However I was very well behaved and none of my messages could have been construed as anything more then friendship and possibly at the very worst a mild flirting.

This went on for a couple of weeks until one evening we were in the middle of a messenger conversation and he abruptly disappeared. This was unusual for him to go without a farewell so I suppose I knew that something was wrong. The next day he was due in for class, and then early in the morning I realised I had a message from a woman I did not know. Guess who? Yes Jacob´s live in partner.

Well it was obvious from the message she thought that something was going on between us. I was told in no uncertain terms that I should be ashamed of myself for breaching the “teacher/student” barrier (for God´s sake he was more 50 than 15). Also was I aware that he had cheated on her with at least two of her friends, one of which was staying at their house so in their own home?

Well no I was not aware of that but then he was not my partner so why should I be? And if she was aware of it why was she even still with him?

I put these questions to her in the most diplomatic way I could, and to be fair she did apologise. Apparently she had caught him messaging me the evening before and jumped to the wrong conclusion, presumably based on his previous form. After a brief conversation she actually referred to me as an “angel”.

Nope most definitely not one of those but in this particular case innocent of all charges…

She then proceeded to share her thoughts and experiences with him publicly on Facebook, so I was very happy that I had resisted that particular temptation and I felt very lucky not to have been dragged anymore into it.

It then transpired that besides the previous affairs and trying to start something with me, he was also already having an affair with another woman!! So I was more of a smokescreen for her I think.

So I did tell him what I thought of him, and perhaps predictably he did not come for any more Spanish Classes.  Which is a shame because I did quite like him really.

So anyway that was one time I did get hung for a sheep when really a lamb, though not actually the only time.

I just wish at times I have as much fun as people sometimes seem to think I do……..

Thank you for taking the time to read this, if you are a Spanish student yourself you may find the following links useful:

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ECCENTRIC DONALD- DONALD EL TIO RARO

Donald was a typical “eccentric” British guy. Tall, bald with big ears and the look of a more handsome and not green Shrek, I knew he was a little eccentric from the day he came to have a look around. It was Christmas, and always at Christmastime I give my students Spanish liquors and turrón or some other nice Spanish traditional treat. Turrón or polverones are the Spanish equivalent of Quality Street, Roses or Matchmakers at Christmas.

Donald appeared as if by magic at coffee time to discuss classes. I gave him some Ponche (Spanish brandy liquor) to try and a coffee and chocolate as he chatted and watched the class. 30 minutes later he was still there showing no signs of moving..and another 30 minutes passed… and another— anyway “no pasa nada” as he signed up and along he came for the next course.

A few things he did duringthe course proved his eccentricity– disappearing to the loo with baby wipes, wearing earplugs in class, and telling many interesting stories that led to me referring to him as an international man of mystery, 003 and a half. But I will always remember Donald fondly as the student who gave me the best excuse ever for not attending class-

He emailed me one day to say he would not be in the following day as his living room window had been shot and he had to wait in for the glaziers to fit bullet proof glass throughout all his house, accompanied by a photo of the bullet hole…..

To this day no one has come up with a better excuse 🙂

Thank you for taking the time to read this, if you are a Spanish student yourself you may find the following links useful:

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FINDING KENNY/ BUSCANDO A KENNY

This story is a more recent one than the others but I feel it is so amazing it  should be shared.

Anyone currently attending classes will know that recently I have been lucky enough to have found someone to help out with everything, Sarah. Sarah is a previous student and as with many of my students we have become friends.

Sarah and her  boyfriend Scott have been looking for a dog. Not just any dog, the perfect dog for them. As you all know, there  are many dogs looking for homes. A little overwhelmed, eventually Sarah declared she was going to stop looking and that the right dog would find her…

One of the many helpful things Sarah does is to take my little dog Rocky for a walk. One particular morning she took him out at a different  time than normal as she wasn´t feeling well and was going to finish early… Fate.. Especially as I had in fact sent her a message to say not to worry I would take him after class, but she didn’t receive it in time and off they went.

10 minutes later she sent me a message with a photo of a dog asking if I recognised him as he was following her and Rocky. Male, castrated, small, reasonably well looked after but no collar. I didn’t, but said to her to bring him back here.

She did. He came with her happily. He had a drink and something to eat and it was clear he was quite a  young dog with a lovely temperament. I said we should take him to the local vets to see if he had a chip as it was clear he had at some point belonged to someone. Sarah proclaimed then and there that if he didn´t have a chip she wanted to keep him and she would call him “Kenny”as this was the name her and her boyfriend had already decided on for when for when they found the right dog.

So at lunch time off we went to the local vet. As soon as he passed the machine over the little dog the ensuing “beep” told us that he had indeed already been chipped which meant he had an owner and Sarah´s face fell. The vet duly called the owner and an amazing story unravelled.

This little boy had been rescued by a Spanish girl (the current owner) from the “perrera” (dog pound) when only a tiny puppy and was living with the girl´s  father in a “casa de campo” (country house) with 2 other dogs. Unfortunately, her father had died and the dogs were now living there alone with an employee feeding them every day. The girl and her partner lived miles away and couldn´t have the dogs with them but tried to visit for the weekend every couple of weeks.

Little “Kenny” had escaped once before by digging under the fence and later returned, but this time he had been gone 3 MONTHS and the country house was 30 kilometres away from where Sarah had found him. Another mystery was that the previous owner could see that he had at some point been clipped as his hair was shorter- so somewhere in this meantime he had been with people. But they had not checked if he had a microchip!!!

The girl loved him but could not be with him all the time so she realised he would be better with Sarah in a home always with people than back at the “casa del campo” just with the dogs. He would probably only escape again. She agreed to sign him over. Sarah was so happy her “Kenny” had found her.

We asked the Spanish girl what his name was……and she answered:

“Ken”

You could not make it up……..

Thank you for taking the time to read this, if you are a Spanish student yourself you may find the following links useful:

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YOU JUST GET BY DON´T YOU—- DO YOU?

Vera and Doug were one of those couples that did everything at a hundred miles an hour, even though they were retired and had been in Spain for quite some time. None of the Spanish laid back attitude had rubbed off on them whatsoever.

They came to me for interpreter service as Vera was in desperate need of a hip replacement. They told me how she had been on the top of the urgent waiting  list for over a year now, but she was in so much pain they wanted to take me along to see if the process could be sped up a bit. They had never used an interpreter before, they thought it was a waste of money.

When I asked where they had learnt Spanish they replied

“Oh we don´t speak Spanish”.

So I asked how then they knew all  this  information that she was on the top of the list etc then? They had used phrases such as “they said this” and “they told us that”

“Oh you just get by don´t you, you get the gist”

Do you?

Anyway we barely made it to the hospital with our lives as Doug was driving so fast in the sun and had failed to see that a car in front had stopped and was indicating to turn left. There is nothing worse than a backseat driver so I didn´t say anything hoping he had noticed. When it became obvious he in fact hadn´t I screamed “stop” and he screeched to a halt just in time.

It transpired that in fact they had no record of Vera whatsoever and she was not on the list at all never mind the top of it, After “wasting their  money” on an interpreter Vera got her new hip within 3 months.

Maybe they hadn´t quite got “the gist” of it after all.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, if you are a Spanish student yourself you may find the following links useful:

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